Dismantling the Sleep_Number
Not as in beds. As in lovers.
I used to be like so many other people, specifically women, in this day and age, priding myself on the low number of partners I’d had sex with. What is a low number supposed to indicate about a person? That they’re of higher moral upstanding? Cleaner? Less likely to cheat on you? Certainly the answer has different implications for men than it has for women. And for what is thought of their bodies as well: I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard a woman referred to as loose or dirty, because it was rumored that she had a lengthy list of partners. Science and factual knowledge of female genitalia simply don’t back that up, and I’ll give you a few good reasons why.
The vagina is expandable and can accommodate large things, like babies and phallically shaped objects, and then guess what! It shrinks back to its pre-filled size. That’s one of the amazing things about the vagina! Besides, if a woman has sex with her husband three times in one day, why would that have any more of an impact on her vagina size than if she has sex with three different men in one day? It doesn’t.
Back to our sleep_number…I was once asked by a lover if I thought that having slept with more people might cause a person to be superficial. This was an interesting question that I could’ve felt insulted by, as he was aware I was sleeping with people other than him. My answer: absolutely not. In fact, I think more sexual experiences lend a breadth of dynamic, skill, and knowledge to an individual’s sexual repertoire. Especially when you are making love and connections with the right lovers.
So why the big obsession with the number of people a person has slept with? I think it goes back to our puritanical culture. Plus, I think we humans can be lazy in our hurry to sum others up: anyone who gives an answer below this number is all good, while anything above xy or z makes them a whore. Whore in our culture is synonymous with disgusting, amoral, and wrong. In my opinion, as long as precautions (against unwanted pregnancy and STDs) are used, and it is consensual, any desired sex is good sex. And did you know that more frequent contact of the vagina causes- not increased looseness, but increased elasticity of vaginal tissue? “Beef curtains” aren’t caused by too frequent of sex; they are, in fact simply a variation of normative genital anatomy. Meaning, more sex doesn’t cause a person to look different down there. The way we naturally look down there is normal. A person’s anatomy is beautiful and perfectly formed just the way it was made.
Unfortunately, our culture tells us that we should look a certain way, and if we don’t, there must be something wrong with us. This is one of the reasons labiaplasty has become an increasingly big phenomenon: A labiaplasty is a surgical procedure done to reshape a woman’s labia minora—the inner “lips” of the vulva. According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS), the number of women seeking to alter the appearance of their labia has been increasing since the organization began keeping track in 2015. The 2016 ASPS statistics report showed a 39 percent increase in the number of labiaplasties. I’m here to tell you: you’re beautiful just the way you were made! Unless something isn’t functioning properly. And even if that’s the case, the dysfunction may be from other causes, and not actually because there is something wrong with your body.
Other than remembering people with whom you’ve connected (had sex) with, what is the point in keeping tabs on your sleep number? To have bragging rites- either because of a high or low number? In my opinion, it’s quality, not quantity that’s important. I myself, have refused to answer the loaded, “how many partners” question. It’s no one’s damn business. What is my partner’s business? Do I expect them to use a condom? Can I get pregnant? Do I have any communicable diseases that are or are not being treated right now? When was the last time I was tested for diseases? And most importantly, do I want that body part of theirs inside me? Truthfully, consent and pleasurability is the bigger question that should concern my partner. Not past sexual history. What outcome would even change because of my answer? Would you shag me fewer times, be less likely to introduce me to your mom, or tell fewer or more friends about your experience? Bottom line…the question should no longer be asked, as it’s irrelevant, and the answer should no longer be given. Period.
Have a sexy story you want to share? Need some advice on sex and health? We love to hear from our fans! Give us a shout!