In discussing my favorite topic (sex) with countless friends and acquaintances, I hear women say over and over that the sex they have is unfulfilling, or that they don’t often orgasm from penetration. I am here to help you 1) figure out your best orgasm mechanism, 2) ask for what you want in bed; and 3) get it. Some of you may not be assertive when it comes to asking for what you want from mundane things in life, let alone from your partner during sexual encounters. Especially in our culture- women’s needs have seldom been made to be important in our country until we demanded it. And we can’t all be so self-assured like Nicki Minaj and demand orgasm (at least not yet): http://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/a41113/nicki-minaj-july-2015/ But it’s past time for the SOP to change, and for women to orgasm from sex on the reg.
Before we dive in, ask yourself a very personal question: when you orgasm, is it from being penetration (vaginal stimulation), or from external play (clitoral stimulation)? Ultimately, the answer I’m looking for is which one gets you off. AKA, when you masturbate, which contact point brings you to orgasm? As simple as it may seem, the answer to this question is where this challenge (if accepted) will begin. If you’re still unsure of your orgasmic preference, take a few moments and masturbate…I will patiently wait here til you get back.
Welcome back! How was it? Did you have a nice Big O? Figure out your preference? Either you did or you didn’t. If you figured it out, kudos to you! Knowing is half the battle. However, if you couldn’t, that’s a big block to knowing what you want, and therefore is in the way of the ultimate goal. If that’s not you, skip on. If that IS you, might I suggest a vibrator? And if you need any recommendations, this one is great for around 60 USD.
It’s The Satisfier. It lightly applies intermittent suction to the clit and boasts bringing you to orgasm in less than four minutes! It also includes a rechargeable battery to save you money if you happen to turn into a masturbate-aholic after discovering just how amazing this gadget is. Happy satisfying! A couple of things I love about this one: it’s really light, so it’s weight doesn’t distract from the pleasure you’re giving yourself; it’s not phallically shaped, and therefore its clitoral orgasm-giving potential is much higher, because…you know, it’s meant for the outside, which is where you will likely receive more effective stimuli, causing a stronger orgasm, because that’s how the female body was made. In fact, there are many more nerve ending in the female genitalia than male genitalia. It’s just that they are situated more on the inside than the outside, and take non-porn-show knowledge to learn to manipulate successfully.
This leads me to another interesting subject: the majority of men I’ve interviewed about sex learned about sex from watching pornographic films. Think about that for a moment. Is the way most women in porns are portrayed realistic to the way most women enjoy sex? I don’t know about you, but I’ve never enjoyed having my breast roughly squeezed, or being slapped in the face with a penis. And if a woman doesn’t moan loudly with every thrust, does it mean she isn’t enjoying it? This is a big part of the problem, and is why we have such a big job on our hands in reclaiming our right to achieving orgasm during intercourse. Further, until relatively recently, women weren’t considered to be sexual beings. We have just lately begun to tap into our feminie sexuality. How can we stand up for ourselves or ask for what we want when we have only just been given permission to be aware of it? Fortunately, we live in a time that is ripe for change, and we can effect that change. I will revisit this in a later article.
Back to the topic at hand…So much of getting what you want in bed boils down to communication. But first you must know what you want, which I covered earlier. After all, how can you ask your partner for that which you are unaware? Once you have an idea of what you like, it takes a mixture of courage, detrmination, and motivation to speak up and voice your wants, needs, and desires. After all, you stating it and asking for it will likely be going against the status quo of him cumming and then rolling over to go to sleep. Not to mention the upset caused when you eventually assert yourself and demand orgasm during intercourse. How you do that and the lengths you are willing to go to are up to you. It might include something like keeping his semi-erect (or other state of arousal) penis inside you after he cums, and then masturbating until you cum. This is actually a good starting point, as it gives him a closer vantage point to enticing your lady bits. In fact, he might actually learn something from the experience. After all, if every woman he has ever had sex with has accepted this type of sub-par intercourse, he may not even be aware that those women weren’t actually orgasming.
I hope you find this information useful in your sexual journey. Have a story you want to share? Need advice or sex ideas? Contact us at The Scent Series. We love to hear from our fans!